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It’s been a few fits and starts and lots of self realization the last few days.  I very recently realized I choosing particular diets as a way to hopefully not have to count calories (which is my main way of staying accountable) and its not working for me.. I’m not losing any real weight.

On Low Carb I hung in for like a YEAR and lost and regained the same 10 pounds over and over.. overeating on WAY too much cheese and fatty deli meat.

I love a high Raw food diet but on Raw I pig out on tons of fruit and a ridiculous amount of raw nuts.  I have been high raw (and mostly Vegan but totally veggie) for two months and I am STILL very close to my beginning weight.. maybe 6 pounds lost.

ACCOUNTABILITY: In the early mornings I will normally journal.  This AM I wrote this: “BE ACCOUNTABLE TO YOURSELF FOR FUCKING ONCE!!! you are going to have to start counting calories so you KNOW you are losing weight.  No more screwing around.. Just weigh your fruit and estimate your calories in salads.. it’s NOT freaking hard!!  It’s not hard to measure a freaking cup of rice and lentils!   just do it, you’ve got to get back on track, you have stopped losing weight AND YOU HAVE SO MUCH WEIGHT  TO LOSE! !!!!!!  I have to hold myself accountable. I have to know that I am doing what I need to every day in order to lose a little weight each day, PERIOD!!!!.  It’s fine to be concerned with eating healthy, it’s great to eat lots of RAW fruits and vegetables and I will, but I have to count calories.  No matter what type of eating lifestyle I am following.  PERIOD!!!

The only time in my life I EVER lost any true weight (over 50 pounds) was brought about by counting calories for months and walking and then later walking and doing a 30 min exercise video, daily.

I have do much interest in health and reading and researching different eating lifestyles and I tend to go all gung-ho and think THIS IS IT!  This will finally be my answer but I always find something in that lifestyle that I can overeat on .  I love to eat and I don’t do well with deprivation.  One of the reasons I love a High Raw lifestyle is tons of fruit and veg is very filling for the calorie expenditure.

Right now during the week I am eating all fruit till like 2 or so and then I am making my favorite salad I ate every day when I lost the weight before counting calories.. I call it my “Hospital Salad” because I used to make it when I worked at this hospital.  They had a great salad bar and for months almost every day I made the same salad: romaine, cucumber, grape tomatoes, shredded carrot, sunflower seeds, beets, marinated mushrooms or sometimes they had marinated artichokes !yum!, kidney beans, garbanzo beans, fresh English peas, green olives and Vidalia onion.  It was such a flavorful mix that I didn’t need anything but a nice large splash of Balsamic vinegar for dressing.

The memory of something about this salad stayed with me for years.. and I continued to make it long after I left the hospital.  One time I weighed and measured everything and added all the calories up for my average salad and it was surprisingly only 400 calories and a nice large salad and very filling with the beans, beets and seeds.  Today I keep all the ingredients in containers in the fridge all together and quickly make one for lunch.

I have never tired of it although occasionally I like a quick Amy’s Organic vegan microwave lunch.

EXERCISE:  I have gone for like a year without moving my ass much at all.. Hell I can go for DAYs and days without even leaving the house (I am working on that). Four days ago I started back walking and today for laughs I timed myself and I walk for a whole 25 minutes and am so exhausted when I get back to the house I can hardly move for like 3 hour afterward.  But I am doing it and it is making me proud.