The Answer For Me is hCG!

I have finally found what works for me.

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I have struggled for YEARS (unfortunately I have deleted several years of this blog because I was up until now, never successful and I felt like a failure.. so much I wrote was actually great and thoughtful and helpful for myself but it’s gone now.. There are still several years worth of posts I am going to leave.  I realize now everything I have gone thru has helped me… if nothing else by helping me realize how motivated I always was, but the diets failed me, not the other way around).

I discovered hCG thru my Dr.  He is an Anti-Aging hormone specialist here in Orlando but was a heart surgeon for years.. he sort of had a metamorphosis himself and got out of the heart business and is now a great Dr. helping women (and men) with hormonal issues and also the anti-aging fight and got in to studying hCG and suggested I might try an RX of hCG injections.

At first I was like.. “no way”.. but decided if he felt it was valid I would try a round.  I lost 23 pounds in 30 days on my first round.. I am now on my second round.. I also was BLOWN AWAY with how much info is out there and how many people are losing weight on it.  I wondered (and still do) why EVERYONE does not know about this..  I am sure it’s some damn conspiracy.   No.. really, I am serious but that’s another post.

I gained allot of my weight I lost on my first round back because it ended right before the holidays and I have not developed good coping skills for overeating (working on that).

I am now down 25 pounds and see I have much to learn about controlling my emotional eating, boredom eating and overeating in general.

The weight coming off has really helped my motivation to change and learn about myself.. I have so much hope and it’s been a very, very long time.

As I start to feel “less stuck with my fat body” I am pretty sure I will gain more self esteem and more success.  Success breeds success.  I know I will feel better emotionally and physically and I know these hard won changes will be powerful reasons for me to continue to learn how to keep the weight off.

More to come…

YUM Ginger, Arthritis and a Recipe

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I had success with the anti-inflammatory diet.  I know because this past weekend I ate crap and a day later a couple of aches and pains came back.  I have what I think is bursitis (OMG old peoples problems!  I’m too young for this shit!) in my right hip and I have this weird pain in my right inner thigh joint AND pain in my right foot.  ALSO I broke my tail bone two years ago and the pain IS STILL around..  it was getting allot better on my anti-inflammatory plan and it’s now back.  I’m actually thankful for the slip up because the pain had lessened a little each day and I was sort of unaware it was so much better!

So I am back to no dairy, sugar, gluten (trying to do no grains at all but.. Summer Corn!) or chemicals/additives.  All the cooking is killing me but when I really need a break I have DH pick up a salad on the way home from work.

I am also back to counting  calories.. I just don’t lose weight without making myself accountable this way.

DINNER LAST NIGHT: Was yum!  I sauteed bunches of Oriental style frozen veggies and a pkg of mixed bell peppers and onions with a ridiculous amount of ginger and a nice size piece of turmeric root I grated.  I added a can of water chestnuts (love these little crunchy babies) and some fresh sugar snap peas.  I added some small shrimp too.

The sauce was tamari (wheat free), honey (natural anti-inflammatory and the only “sugar” I am having right now), rooster sauce and a few drops of sesame oil.

It was so good.   I love ginger.

I will have a weigh in this coming Monday (4 days).  I was back up to 237 this past Monday.. ugg.. lots of water weight I am sure.

Later my beauties!

Anti-Inflammatory, Elimination Diet

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I’m doing an anti-inflammatory diet for the next 30days.  I am dealing with adult onset asthma and my inflammatory markers in my labs are really high so I am sure something I am eating is an issue.

So no grains of any kind (not even rice), no soy, no sugar (except a little honey occasionally because apparently it is naturally anti-inflammatory) and no dairy.

I will eat meat if it is good quality with no hormones or antibiotics.. etc and lots of wild caught salmon and other oily, high Omega 3 fish.

I’m really not that concerned with feeling deprived because I am scared of this asthma.  It seems to be getting worse and it’s very frightening.

 

How I Stopped Smoking and Gave Up Diet Coke

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All this focus lately on Intuitive, Mindful Eating has made me really delve into my psyche and I realize I am incredibly hard on myself and extremely demanding and militant in my thinking. I don’t give myself any credit for anything, ever. It’s always “DO BETTER”, you can do better…

Today I realized that in the last 18 months I HAVE GIVEN UP ALL SODA and STOPPED SMOKING!!! I never really drank the sugary soda stuff but I lived on diet sodas.. loving Diet Ginger Ale, Diet Rootbeer and my Holy Grail Diet Coke. I lived on Coke and Cigarettes.

My mother has MS and one day her Neurologist told her all the artificial sweeteners are causing brain lesions and a huge majority of MS cases are caused by this.. and also other neurological disease.. that scared the shit out of me and I quit cold turkey on ALL artificial sweetener then and there. The fact our government allows this crap in our food supply is disgusting and please never believe our food supply is safe. It’s just not and shit that’s an entire other post..

Now I have cases of Perrier, LaCroix 1lacroixand Pellegrino 1pellegrinoin the house and drink many varieties of teas (green, herbal and black  and right now I am making strawberry iced green tea every morning and keeping a huge pitcher in the fridge), I also love filtered water with fruit, green juices, sparkling water with organic tart cherry juice (a natural anti-inflammatory)  and coffee with coconut milk. I’m TOTALLY addicted to mineral water. I LOVE Passion Fruit LaCroix and Pellegrino.

 

I used an electronic cigarette to stop smoking.  I had an aunt that I loved with all my heart.. almost like a mother, die from Lung Cancer in her 60’s.  I promised her I would quit.  I tried several times to just quit cold turkey and couldn’t.  I got into Ecigs and used the ones you add your own vapor juice to and I stepped down in the nicotine percentage in the vapor juice until it was “0” and had no nicotine.. I continued to smoke that for a couple of months and finally just used it less and less… now I have a huge collection of flavored vapor juice and two Ecig units I am going to sell soon. I advise anyone trying to quit to give Ecigs a shot but buy a set of a unit you can put your own vapor juice in so you can step down in nicotine.

So yes.. I need to honor my accomplishments more.. I do feel like a bit of a bad ass after re-reading the above.  I’m proud of myself and I have not felt that in like.. forever.

I have to find ways to be more loving to myself, but weighing the same thing I did 15 years ago kills me… and I know now all the years of dieting have done absolutely nothing for me.

I am never dieting again.  I will learn to develop a normal relationship with food and OMG it’s much more involved than dieting EVER was!!!  dieting is EASY compared to this mental mess.  I’m excited though.  I’m feeling encouraged for the first time in years.

ENDORPHINS: Tranquil, relaxed, sedate, comforted, soothed and at ease.

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Today I had a chance to examine what it is that drives me to eat when I am not hungry.

This afternoon about 4PM, I had recently eaten and I was not hungry but I got the urge to eat.  It was not a crazy craving or hard core urge so I was able to think calmly and rationally about it and I had a few thoughts.. I am pretty sure it is the desire for the release of feel good endorphin hormones.. Is it dopamine?  serotonin..?  It does not really matter because I know it’s the tranquilizing effect.

I am addicted to the feel good hormones.. they make me feel Tranquil.. very relaxed, sedate, comforted, soothed and at ease.  I wanted to really examine this. It’s not a totally drugged out, numb feeling like so many people with eating issues describe, well it CAN be when I really, seriously binge but I believe my issue is more just allot of overeating with the occasional sugar binge.

I have conditioned my brain to desire this “daily tranquility” feeling (seriously if you have disordered eating issues READ Brain over Binge) and I have to find other ways to successfully handle this.

Just knowing what is going on is a huge help.  I know I have a long way to go but I will get there.

 

6 Minutes…

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I have been working on eating slower.. OMG it is HARD for me!!!!  Holy Shit!!!

The MOST DANGEROUS and most DIFFICULT time for me food wise is right after I have finished my allotted amount of food for a particular meal.  I say “allotted” because I am working on setting what is a normal (to me at least) amount of food on my plate.. eating it slowly and that being IT.  I tell myself if I wait a few minutes and STILL want more food I can certainly have it.

I always, never fail, want MORE right after I am through.  ALWAYS!!!!!!   I am never satisfied at that minute, NEVER EVER!!!.

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BUT IF I WAIT 6 VERY SHORT MINUTES my satiety catches up.   I can’t believe it’s only 6 MINUTES!!

This is amazing to me. I am so very thankful my food satiety cues are ok.  That’s certainly a step in the right direction for me.

This makes me imagine how much extra I have been eating forever.  It’s no damn wonder I am fat.

This Has Really Motivated Me to Get Off My Ass

As part of my focus on HEALTH VS DIET I have decided to try my best to move my body some every day.  I am starting small and working up.  I have walked the last two days.. I only walked 20 minutes a day so far.. I was surprised when I checked the time because it’s so hot already it really exhausts me at just 20 minutes.

I have a route in my neighborhood I walk and I need to figure out a way to work up to 30-40/min/day.  I might start setting my alarm in order to walk early AM before it gets so hot.

Getting my DH in gear to go to work is a chore..  (that’s another story!) but he’s a huge night owl and stays up to like 2AM every night and I have to coax him awake with espresso and conversation just to get him to wak up.. he usually does not leave for work until like 10:30AM and then it’s already so hot here (Orlando).. for me at least.  So I might start getting up early.  I watched this video and it really did it for me:

 

Focus on Health Not Diet

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I have been on a RIDICULOUS amount of diets over the years and I am THROUGH!! I am going to start focusing on becoming HEALTHY and stop focusing on how I can not eat this or not eat that. I am never dieting again… EVER.

No more cutting out complete food groups, no more COUNTING CALORIES, no more counting CARBS, no more telling myself I have to eat 100% RAW, ORGANIC OR VEGAN. no more no more NO MORE!

One thing I’ve learned is that all this does is set me up for failure over and over again. I always feel deprived and one way or another and always end up binging on crap.

I HAVE FINALLY COME TO BELIEVE THAT DIETS DON’T WORK. I know I need to get healthy. I have way too much weight on my body. I am considered obese But I am no longer focusing on losing weight. I am going to start focusing on loving myself, RESPECTING MYSELF, caring for AND CHERISHING myself and getting healthy.

I only have one stipulation I believe I have to adhere to and that’s gluten free because I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroid.

I am going to learn about GLUTEN FREE baking and start making us nice Sunday Brunch breads and such.  I also will work to stay away from much processed crap.

I have allot to learn… or unlearn.  I have been dieting for 30 years.

I know what is healthy.  I have read over 100 books on nutrition, food, health.. etc.

I know what to eat but I also know I have to learn MODERATION and I am never going to learn it with this constant diet mindset.

I am re-reading a couple of books that I have that help me with my desire to overeat.  One is “Brain over Binge” by Kathryn Hansen

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and the other is “Eating Less” by Gillian Riley:

1eatinglessI highly recommend both of these… they are incredible books.

So yeah, lots of changes happening here.  I am excited and I know this is the key for me.  I will post more soon.

Back from our Mini Vaca to Miami

1miamiWe stayed at the Loews on South Beach.  It’s a gorgeous hotel.  I love that it’s pet friendly.

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I got acupuncture one afternoon.. for my body aches.

Diet.. what diet?  Well what can I say.. diet was thrown out the window.  I don’t think I was far enough along in my lifestyle change to be strong on vacation.  I do believe I will be better next time.  I am not kicking myself but I did make sure to write down a few observations to help me now.

Sugar.. I have BAD heartburn – I mean so bad that down inside my ears burn, when I eat very much sugar and I ate WAY too much sugar..  Cream Brulee at 10pm room service.?  yes.

Exercise… I have much less body aches in my hips and back when I WALK!  So I am back to that as often as I can now at home.

Depression.. l absolutely need to be more active because it is amazing how much getting out of the house this weekend helped my depression! I felt so good Monday morning when we got up I felt motivated to do things around the house that need to get done I felt inspired to get out more often and started thinking about things we can start doing on the weekends. It really helped me.

Binging… My hiatal hernia flared up when I over ate one night.  I would not really call it a binge but I ate uncontrollably.  I realize that hasn’t happened in a long time! I do know that even though I haven’t lost a lot of weight yet my eating has improved and I binge much less often.

Walking LOTS!… This trip to Miami has really motivated me to get this weight off because all the walking we did absolutely exhausted me! It took every bit of energy I had to make it back to the hotel room one night when we walked over to Lincoln Road just a half mile down and a half-mile back! I absolutely felt miserable and was so unhappy with myself emotionally because of the monumental effort of moving my body that far was sad.  I have made my world so incredibly small because of this weight.  I remember years ago when I could run around all day and all night.. I want that back.

Beautiful People…Seeing all the gorgeous girls in their great outfits and incredibly high heels on Lincoln during our walk was really motivating to me to. I sure miss high heels.

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So I will look at this vaca as a success in many ways and keep working on eating less and more healthily.

 

 

 

Recommitting~

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1changeWell I woke at 4 am this morning.  I could not sleep.. I kept trying to figure out my days calories ahead of time in my mind.  I did really well yesterday and decided to have the same brunch today (I don’t usually eat until noon or 1.. when I am truly hungry.. then I eat every 3 hours or so until dinner at 8.)  This is easy for me because I don’t get hungry until close to then and the whole “Breakfast is the most important meal” is BS and has been proved to be started by those at the huge breakfast cereal corporations back in the 60’s.  I recently was reading that actually waiting until later in the day helps growth hormone release (good for repair of cells, etc) and is also very beneficial for those with borderline type II adult onset diabetes.  Besides, it always made no sense to me to eat when I was not hungry.

So this morning since I couldn’t sleep, I got up and went thru the kitchen and planned my days meals/times and calories..  I decided the same breakfast for a while will make it easy.

Until yesterday I was eating fruit until like 4pm for the cleansing and detox properties but decided to change it up.  I love seasonal fruit and right now the melons are OMG but I need protein in my first meal of the day so that I am not needing to eat every hour!

I decided on two eggs, I am splurging and buying some local, free range eggs.  The yolks are bright orange.. it’s sad how pale yellow and tasteless conventional eggs are now.. these damn eggs I am buying are twice the cost though.  We are worth the extra $.  Invest in your health and your food I say. My Health Is My Wealth.  Anyway, 2 eggs, 1 slice of Ezekiel Sprouted grain toast, 1 T of this amazing French 4 fruit jam I love and a serving of fresh fruit.. today it’s local Strawberries.  This will be my breakfast for the near future.

Lunch is going to be a salad with whatever good raw veg I have in the fridge and I have LOTS because we have been eating high raw (when I was not pigging out on junk).  I am making a salad and adding a couple tablespoons of raw pumpkin and sunflower seeds.. I love to mix balsamic and dijon as my dressing.  It’s so good and totally low cal and fat free.  I don’t add much in the way of calorie rich stuff to my salads.. mostly just raw veg and a few seeds so I can have a nice piece of bread with it.. today I am having a Publix Italian 5 grain roll.. I estimate it’s around 120 calories.  They are small and covered in seeds and really good.  I won’t ever give up good quality bread again.

For my snack I am having Publix carrot hummus and an entire cucumber sliced as dippers.. it’s 250 calories for half the carton of hummus and I LOVE this stuff.. lower fat than regular hummus.  I had this yesterday and have been eating it pretty regularly as my late day snack.

Dinner is Vegan Chana Masala (microwave) and I am making brown Basmati rice to go with.. and I even set aside calories for two of my favorite cookies.  1cookiePepperidge Farm Salted Pretzel Chocolate Milano – I remember now why I like counting calories so much.. I feel much less militant and if I am careful I can have pretty much whatever I want in small portions.  I only eat 2 but love every bite.

So today I am good  to go at a total of 1590 again today.  I will be allowing up to 1700 or 1800 on days I walk, but right now I’m not, so lower calories are OK.

I know how to lose weight.. calorie counting works for me I just always bitch about how hard it is but I MAKE it hard by constantly wanting to cook elaborate meals… and try to figure out the calories.  For a while I am going to make it easy on myself.

We are going to drive down to South Beach day after tomorrow for a 3 night mini vaca.  I’m excited about our trip to Miami and know it will be VERY easy to eat healthy there!!  I’m going to find a good sushi place.. and we are going to a botanical garden.. and we will walk on SoBe at night.  And the Coconut Grove farmers mkt yeah!!

So I have recommitted to losing this weight for myself. MORE on Miami soon!