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April 29, 2024 – 241.4lbs..

I have been trying decide just how to lose this weight for a few months.. my mind really likes to do what I know now is sort of a perfectionism procrastination. I keep myself confused as to the best path but then find myself in mental circles of the best way to proceed.. and actually getting no where. I decided in January (it is now the end of April) to count calories and then I was going to go Vegan again.. and then I got a CGM and saw what Vegan did to my blood sugar and it scared the shit out of me.. and now, well it’s already the end of April and it’ taken me this long to settle into knowing what the best diet for me right now is.. I sure have been letting confusion and doubt lead the way too long.. I know with my blood sugar (CGM was a good idea) that I have diabetes.. and knowing that has really helped solidify my WHY and is helping me move forward..  I also am reminded that my brain needs help because I still have memory issues and problems bringing up words sometimes and at only 60.. that is fucked up.  So I am settled in, have a bunch of meat in the freezer (butcher box) and today we are having bacon cheeseburgers lunch and steaks w. green beans dinner.

I am so fortunate to have a husband that puts up with my shit.. and always, no matter what eating style I am into (so many over the years, weeks long juice fasts, months of Raw foods, Vegan, Atkins.. Jesus I am dieting well versed, but for now I am choosing to keep it simple for a while.

I will have to focus on cooking very often, really daily and I have tried to back off on other responsibilities so I can get acclimated.. I realize how fortunate I am to be able to even do that, but I have closed my online stores for now. (I am a jewelry designer and sell gemstones online to other designers also) I will not feel guilty that I need this time to focus on just us and the changes when transitioning. I am taking several days right now.. maybe even a month. I just re-started keto yesterday, so many fits an starts this past month, but I am all in and committed now.

ONE THOUGHT came into my head this morning.. I can’t imagine carrying 100 less pounds on my body, I mean I am always tired and never really want to be on my feet long because honestly it’s exhausting,   but what actually is the reality of carrying an extra 100 pounds on my body?  It’s hard to imagine. It seems normal to me almost now. It certainly would be so wonderful to release those 100 pounds, trying to feel how freeing it would be…  I remember I just used to love to love to spin on the balls of my feet when I was younger and imagine I was sort of a dancer and I almost remember how light I felt.. almost.

SUGAR ADDICTION.. I am a sugar addict. I can’t have EVEN a little bit… It’s taken me so long to realize that this for me truly is an addiction.. Much more on that in future posts..

SO MOVING FORWARD I WILL KNOW THAT WEIGHTLOSS IS A GIFT TO MYSELF!!!! 

🌟 🤩 ⭐️  🌟 🤩 ⭐️  🌟 🤩 ⭐️  🌟 🤩 ⭐️  🌟

WANNA MAKE A CRUSTLESS QUICHE LORRAINE W/ SWISS CHEESE ON ARUGULA FOR BRUNCH SOON.

I absolutely KNOW I can do this because many, many , MANY other people have..  i no longer will resign myself to an obese existence I hate… but I have to admit at times it will be very difficult..  so far my major problem is not wanting to deal with difficult.

LASTLY.. I could make this blog “pretty” and worry about fun graphics (I have done that in the past on my other blogs) but I don’t want to put the pressure on myself with this one.. I want it to just be a place I can come and openly write about my keto journey… I will probably just write here like it’s my personal journal, at least for a while.